tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
