Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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