I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my sisters under your porch take her home
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
