How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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