everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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