All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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