I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
