i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish i was in the wii world.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
