People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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