i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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