Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
