My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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