next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
