Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
