And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
