my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
