I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
