Me too!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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