My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
