Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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