the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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