??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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