Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
