cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
