I hate your face
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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