I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't deserve a penis
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
