The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
