i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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