please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I still have a little drunk in my system
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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