Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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