I think my vagina is haunted
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
