1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Text me some of your sweat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
