i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
