I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will pee on everything he values.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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