Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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