Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
