I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
