he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
