dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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