hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
