And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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