oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
