I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
