I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
