like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
