She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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