Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
