my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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