I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
