the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My dick has a subreddit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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