i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
