We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
